Claw D. Tarzhet

Haven't posted in a while, so here goes.

Kash is coming over tomorrow, but my American Gov final is that morning. It's a cocktail of anxiety and excitement.

Why didn't I do this paper three weeks ago? Four?

priceless. simply priceless.

A well-known speaker started off his seminar by holding up a $20 bill. In the room of 200, he asked, "Who would like this $20 bill?" Hands started going up. He said, "I am going to give this $20 to one of you, but first, let me do this." He proceeded to crumple the $20 dollar bill up. He then asked, "Who still wants it?" Still the hands were up in the air. Well," he replied, "what if I do this?" And, he dropped it on the ground, and started to grind it into the floor with his shoe. He picked it up, now crumpled and dirty. "Now who still wants it?" Still the hands went into the air.

"My friends, you have all learned a very valuable lesson. No matter what I did to the money, you still wanted it because it did not decrease in value. It was still worth $20.

Many times in our lives, we are dropped, crumpled, and ground into the dirt by the decisions we make and the circumstances that come our way. We can get to feel as though we are worthless. But no matter what has happened or what will happen, you will never lose your value because nothing or no one can destroy your inner value or worth.

---

It's a good story. Thank you, career dev 101.

These are lyrics to one of my favorite songs, "Sonic Boom." as heard by me, anyway.

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So it's time for a little update. Mindset update perhaps. That's a good term for it.

College ends in one week from today. Then a week after that, finals. It's crunch time.

To-do list thingy:

-American Government
  -5-page Essay (if I get an A on this, I can skip the final!) Due Anytime, Bonus if handed in May 03 (tomorrow)

-Theatre research Due May 8
  -Read The Crucible
  -Watch the movie of the same
  -Decide on a scene to be read next Tuesday
  -Find related websites and Henrik Ibsen/Naturalism material

-Career Development
  -Piles of crap. Gotta itemize that list...
  -4 Career Evaluation Sheets
  -Resume Draft
  -Discussion Board Postings
  -Lots more :\

-Statistics
  -Online Mathlab Homework (do this Monday at school!)
  -Study/Review for Exam Tuesday on P- and t-Values (chapters 6 and 7)
  -Study/Review for Final (remember to look up steps for probability distributions!)

All in all I guess it isn't that bad. This list'll help me keep track of what I gotta get done still... and uh, to people reading this, this is why I'm disappearing from the internets for a little while. I need to devote myself to this work for the next week or so- then I'll be free to do whatever the Heck I want. XD Which is, of course, hang out with everyone. :3 

Speaking of hanging out, Kash and I are really getting along great... I keep finding more things to love about that girl. We're planning to visit again as soon as possible, which is likely right after I get done with exams... in fact, we're trying to work something out where she can stay for a few months. Gosh, that'd be neat, ne? If this goes right, she'll be staying at my house from mid-May to late July, when I'll be going to her home state anyway for Otakon. We'll probably get soooo sick of each other. XD It'll be AWESOME.

We're also planning to marry our Ragnarok characters soon. I really can't justify shelling out five million zeny to break off a relationship (that's freakin' ridiculous), but it hardly matters since we both made new characters recently; an agi monk for me and a vit monk for her. Haha, she even named her new character "Kashira Tarzhet." XD She's so adorable... I love that girl so much~

But for now, it's freakin' deadline time. Now or never. I need to sacrifice fun for now, and I apologize to my friends for not being around for them. Please take care for now, I'll be back soon!

PS: New icon! Kash drew it. :3 She really captured me well, I can't even begin to explain how she does it. XD

Kash and I had a nice visit.

To the people who live for scandal: we didn't do anything like that. Ok? Seriously. It wouldn't have been right.

... you know, I sure hope nobody reads this.

Now that she's gone, the darkness rolled back in. I miss her terribly. Hope she gets home/online soon, heh ._. and that she's safe...

I got a new icon, see?  I'm the one on the left. She really is sweet... ~~ look how docile and cute she drew me, heh.

If it seems like my feelings have just instantly swapped over to someone new, it's not like that. I dunno why I feel a need to type that here, but I do... in truth, the two of us had been rejecting our natural feelings for one another for months, if not years. They'd been lying repressed under the surface for what felt like ages, and... and now we stopped holding them back. It's "okay" now. Okay to love one another, after all this time. And it's very liberating... but it's going to take a while to get used to. Attraction or not, it's hard to accept these feelings as legitimate after so much time spent dismissing them.

...kissing is a lot nicer than I'd imagined, though...

Hello, 2007. Only a day into it, now. Heh...

For years I felt like the new year was just another tick of the clock, a reason to buy a new calendar. For some reason, I feel different about that now... it could be the new college semester approaching, the new felings and love building on what's always laid in my heart, or the general financial aspects of it. I don't know, it just feels different.

Maybe that's why I'm posting something here. I almost never do, but today I felt like it. There's not even a reason for this, heh. I think that's why I like doing it. ^^

I'm ready for the new year. Well, I'd like to say that honestly, but I can't. No one's ever TRULY ready for anything, and if they say otherwise, they're lying. So, I won't lie. There could be anything at all waiting for me in this bright new year, anything dark or unsavory or unpleasant that I don't want to face, and probably a lot that I'd never think of until it's got me by the neck. But, in that respect, you could say I am ready. Ready for being unprepared, haha! It's either foolish or brilliant...

This song has been with me for a long time. Sonik Azure. It's like the song of my life. It has no words, just a feeling. It has gradual, natural progression that flows smoothly along with a sweet, poignant feeling... that feeling is constant, a feeling of past and present and future mixing into the now, radiating dimly in a deep green. But then, I guess Azure is a blue, isn't it. ^=^

I want to always remember this song. What it's meant to me at every stage of my life, and how it's still with me. I never want to know the face of the man who composed it, or what he was thinking, what he intended. I want to stay atached to my own image of the song... but now I'm making no sense, right? hahaha... |3 alright. I guess that's enough of that.

I'm going to work hard this semester. I'll probably quit my job. I have more important things right now than money... like my friends, and my schooling. money will come with schooling. It won't be much longer, really...

That sweet, sad, simple piano... shivering my soul with just a minor flourish.
This is who I am, isn't it... isn't it.

~claw

Semester's finally almost over. GOOD, OK? I'm not even so much happy to not have class hanging over me, as I am to just have my free time back. Time is stupid, and I will kick it. unfortunately I seem to be too low on time to do so ._.

Really, all I have time for is work, school, and a little bit of time on Ragnarok these days. It's irritating. But I felt like doing a little thing for this computer game I like, so there it is.

Sanitarum! Leave me be... SANITARIUM
just leave me alone

...wait sorry I didn't mean it come back
._.

I also found out that my freaking favorite anime ever is on Youtube in english. Oh gosh I love it T_T The characters, the scenario, everything. It's called Shaman King.
For the premise, I found out what the creator's real idea was: What if all the religions that believe in mystical power were right at the same time? Then what if they had a FIGHT, all using their culture's myths and legends to battle each other? Add in ghosts, memorable characters, superb action, and some seriously deep undertones, and you have my favorite anime of all time. Yoh Asakura for life.

Alright that's all. bye

You know, I hate when people call things something else that they're not. Like life or love. Life isn't a boat. Tired of hearing stuff like that. But, today I have one and I'll drop my metaphor blockade for the time being.

Love is like a knife.

It can be beautiful, gleaming and complex. It can be useful, functional and even essential for survival. And, it can (and will) injure people when it isn't handled right.

These knives are too sharp...

Heh. The funny thing about having one of these is, the stuff I really want to say, I can't say online. XD

Gotdang I hate college papers. Writing is such a chore. I mean I can do it, but my brain will do anything in its power to get out of it. That's probably also why I never write in this thing. I feel almost obligated to. But now, I've become forgotten enough that I can post without feeling anyone's watching. XD

Maybe I'll know what to write later...

They were too delicious for this world! sniff!

Well anyway, bout time I wrote up an account of that poké-con I went to Saturday... 

Otakon's looming ever-closer! I'm getting totally excited about it, as if I wasn't already. Slice is gonna be there! Of all people!! It's gonna be awesome to meet someone else from the way-back past in person. I wanted Zarla to come too, but she had other commitments... Also she's a meanhead. Yeah I said it. MEANHEAD. ...Then again, I bet I come off as a crazy stalker or something /hmm Well, tough.

To-do list:
-Finish secret coat project
-Get a livable Pokémon team ready
-Levelup my champ and rogue on RO, so they don't suck so bad
-Get more money somehow
-Mail secret items
-maybe robots?

Man... All I wanna do is dance.

My Personal Dna Report

That there- Kashira linked to it who said Eurydice linked to it... So I took the test and there's my results. o_o; Didn't see that turning out how it did, no sir. But wow, it's... well uh no bragging

Anyway things are okay in clawland... Skies are green and stormy, but a good stormy, like the kinda rainstorm you can sit on your porch and enjoy.

Dreams were odd last night. XD This is too public to go into detail, but they were good dreams. I think so, anyway. Mental note; write dreams down offline

I might be getting a new job soon, at Dunkin' Donuts. Isn't THAT the pinnacle of honor 9_9 Well it's better than Laser Planet I think. ><; Free donuts and foods during the day, and an actual break period... That'll be nice. u_u; Although, people are applying left and right... My chances might be slimming. oh well. We'll see soon enough, aye?

Had some fun today. Turned Bikuto's rabble-rousing comic claiming Zero and I are gay lovers into a rather amusing (much more TRUTHFUL) affair. I'm sure I'll end up paying for it later but it was fun as heck. whee.

What's funny is, WD really DOESN'T have any drama now that they all moved to Clams >_>;; I wonder if I should have just let them all go, way back before this became an issue. But what's past is past, and if I hadn't made the effort bad stuff may have happened. haha. Hope no one involved knows I have this journal, or stuff's gonna hit the fan again.

That's all for now. Gonna watch an AMV with Dusky.

Oh yeah- Going to the Pokemon event in New York this saturday. I doubt anyone else is comin but meh XD

Wow journal again, look at this. Have you ever noticed how often people just don't have anything useful to say, but they still type one of these up anyway? YEAH, that's today for ya! Get used to it!

Today was all... Industrious.

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Came up with a fresh character design for Claw! Check it owwwwt



He's gone from brown/gold/black/white clothing to black/green/silver/white. I love it. This, I can feel comfortable with.

The eyes uh... They just kinda get like that when the bandana makes them all shadowy. Anyway.

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Gonna do more work on my sotry soon... eventually. It'll be a lot easier as soon as I get the Miguel vs Hobo battle out of the way. I'm kinda dreading doing that, action scenes and all... well we'll see. There's a lot of... annoying specifications I have to meet in that fight. lousy Mike.

Also. To explain my previous entry, I bought on EBay, recieved, played and beat PHOENIX WRIGHT: ACE ATTORNEY for Nintendo dee-essu. My gosh it was incredible. Took up two days of my life but yeah, fantastic- all the good reviews were well-founded. Loved it! But no spoilers. Suggestion though, play the game.

Lastly, I read the ending to StarControl2 and it had 100% not enough Spathi. What a RIP.

K'bye.

HAH HAH HAH HAH HAH
HAH HAH HAH HAHBut, seriously, Nick.

Well. To cut a long story short

NEW RAGNAROK CHARA (ELO EL WUT)


His name: Captain Fwiffo

yes I'm an avid Spathi fanboy okay

The green hair is really the closest thing I could get to him. The flower is just kinda there. It seemed silly enough to be THE FWIFFO


HE GETS BEAT UP


A LOT


However, with incessant running away and spamming Fire Bolts he is victorious. This feels fitting.


Brave Captain Fwiffo takes on the vicious (immobile) Flora monster. Bravely.


Part of the Job Change test to become a Crusader. Option 1 CRACKED ME UP due to character context.

His combat style is unique and I love it. His body is incredibly weak and he has like no defenses, but massive HP. This is perfect, because his Shield Reflect sends half the damage he takes back to the sender! soon he'll be able to Heal himself near-infinitely too! I LOVE IT

Until he learns Heal though I'll have to rely on fleeing monsters on foot while flinging Fire bolts behind me at the chasing monster. WHAT DOES THAT SOUND LIKE, HMMMM

Tomorrow: More neat screenies

PS: curse you zarla and your star control 2 -_____-

Yesterday was a meeting to try and foster friendship and acceptance in the gang. If it had ended right after Aiko finished speaking, yeah it woulda been great but I just haaad to step up and try to be mr. leader, eh... This brought on all kinda junk and probably made everyone start to feel kinda seperate... A lot of things didn't have to be said tho'. but I ain't pointin' fingers.

Meh, could be worse. I was so incredibly overtired, haha. Went at least a solid day and a half with only an hour's rest -_- And still stayed up till 4am because of all the stuff I had to resolve as a result of the meeting... I seriously need a shower, haha. :~ Er anyway.

After the meeting a group of us sat around Kunlun and it was neat. We talked about RPing and character personality/backstories and it was neat. Ibn said something to me the other day, how it's so much more fun to hang out with "nerdy" people because they just accept you, instead of making you conform to "cool" stuff... "And if that makes me a nerd," he said (and this is a seriously cool guy mind you) "so be it." Haha, you guys've never met him, he's one of my offline friends... Well anyway

Totally gonna write some, today. And maybe do some more drawing, that helps me relax I found. The guys seemed to like what I got so far in my story, which still needs a name. I don't wanna call it fan-fiction, that's such a dirty term... I'm just using the scenario and some character classes from Ragnarok, but I guess that's what makes it a fan-fic eh 9_9 Sigh

Oh yeah, and Kuro made lord knight recently! He's so awesome looking. Next is Dead becoming 'sin cross, I can't waitttt. This is gonna be awesome. Then Dusky becoming a high aco and we'll all be sooper cool trans class. It makes me all fired up to think about...

Oh yeah, and I've been playing Star Control 2 off and on. Good game, but it takes so LONG to play...


hee hee. Captain Claw Tarzhet of the starship Internets

that's all f'ir now.

My ears are swangin', whatever that means. Finally got to borrow that CD from work- the one with all that totally hot club music on it. TOTALLY HOT, DEWD. 9_9 'hip' lingo eh... Meh, it's five-AM, sue me and lose. WOULD have been asleep if it wasn't for my kid brother's mental problems, heh. Well I'm not, so here's another entry.

So um, where'd I leave off... oh yeah, in the middle of telling my life story, there. All you need to know bout real-life Claw otherwise is that I'm a college student in central Connecticut, USA. I never went to public school growing up, my mom had some kinda thing against the school system, and I can't really blame her in retrospect. Point is, I did most of my elementary/high school learning my own dang self, working off of our little home-library and PBS. And, not to brag, but my grades from last semester proved that staying home didn't hurt my academic skills. (sorry, people get on my case a lot about the no-school thing...)

Dusky (Kim) deserves some more mention, too. We met about... A year and a half ago, at this point... (did I say that?) on Ragnarok. Niether of us were looking for a partner at the time... Especially not someone online, who lives half a country away. Fact was, though... The two of us really hit it off great. We share so many interests and moral values, and I just adore her on every level I know exists. Of course, with all the press these days, it's no surprise her parents immediately assume I'm some kind of kidnapper/rapist/murderer/pervert just because I come from the EVIL LAND OF INTERNET. =_= No, I can't blame them for thinking that, even though they're dead wrong... But man, they even met me in person. I don't know how they could honestly feel I'm a threat still... whooooa there, drifting close to the emo fringe. XD HARD TO PORT CAP'N

I've got it. I'll cap things off with a little overview of me'internet videogame/fiction character as it stands now. I know SOME people have been asking me to write one of these up, and it's been in development for years now, so... here you go. boo-yaaaaa

[picture will go here]

Name: Claw Tarzhet
Hair: Brown Eyes: Two
Physical Age: 17-18
Mental Age: 20-21
Element: Lightning
Born: Spring, Year of the Tiger
Zodiac: Pisces

Likes: Peace, moving quickly, thunderstorms
Dislikes: Hurting others, bossy people, crowds
Favorite Food: BBQ Bell Peppers 'n Beef
Disliked Food: Anything ending in "nut"

A kind-hearted wanderer with a lot on his mind, but limited knowledge of his childhood. His mind was once separated into a light and dark half, but it has since repaired itself and gives him a rather even-tempered disposition. As a result, he rarely shows off or complains, but is quick to compliment others when he sees fit (even his enemies). Usually diffuses uncomfortable situations through humor when he can.

His special ability entails being in-tune with electricity, holding an indeterminite voltage within his body at all times. It seems to fluctuate according to his mood- more intense emotions may cause some of it to bristle across him visibly- but whenever possible, this evergy is kept restrained. It discharges most freely from his hands, so he wears special insulated gloves to prevent shocking people by accident. These gloves have metal plating on the back of each hand, which Claw attaches his trademark weapons to. These conduct lightning from his hands quite efficiently through the blades of his claws, enabling various attack techniques. Currently, he doesn't know how or why he has these abilities (but I'll explain oh yes I will). He also has vast knowledge of various fighting styles, including tae kwon do, bushido, fencing and ninja arts.

Having joined the Monastery of St. Capitolina, he fancies himself an ascetic monk, and has experience in channeling spirits to assist himself or others. He travels the land seeking to improve himself, help people, and unravel his own origin.



...still with me? wow. Okay well, I'm done with explaining myself for now, so expect more journal-esque entries from now on. Perhaps NINJA-esque.